Take my advice:

Don't drink straight tequila through a crazy straw. The required suction to drink "crazy-style" will launch said intoxicant straight to the back of your palate. I now know hard alcohols are meant to role down your tongue.



Don't rinse your face with warm water immediately after cleaning it with cold cream. This sounds like something we would all know. I didn't. That shit burns!



Do approach rallying Christians when they are congregated in public with giant wooden crosses and you are wearing a hood and suit. Ask them where their church is. Tell them you'd like to show up for service and hold up King Diamond posters while they are conducting their everyday Christian lives. Ask them if they would find this rude or disrespectful. Then tell them you are dressed like a Dinosaur's Vagina and ask them if they like your costume.

If you need to find me over the next several weeks . . .

Nov. 4th
Delhi, four days, four nights
Global Arts Village

Nov. 8-9
Agra, 1 day, 1 night
Tourist Rest House
train to Jaipur
noon to midnight

Nov. 9
Jaipur, 1 day
overnight train to Jaisalmer

Nov. 10-13
Jaisalmer, 4 days, 3 nights
Artist Hotel
overnight train to Jodhpur

Nov. 14-17
Jodhpur, 3 days, 3 nights
Ratan Vilas
overnight train to Varanasi

Nov. 18-20
Varanasi, 3 days, 2 nights
Scindhia Guest House
overnight train to Kolkata

Nov. 21-Dec. 5
Kolkata, 14 days, 14 nights
Artspace India

Dec. 6-21
the "wind-down" section of our trip
flying south to
Kerala, staying at:
a houseboat
the nest
vagamon
private beach

Welcome Back to Me

First things first:

I'm not one of those guys that bitches about seeing peoples' underwear. You'll never hear "Gross, I can totally see that girls underwear" come out of my mouth. I've been tickled by the direction that pants fashion has taken these past five or so years. I just don't mind seeing asses.

I'll look at your ass. It's kind of a given. I'll check you out. For what purpose? I really don't know.

But what has really been mystifying to me lately is the concept of what's an acceptable amount of your ass that you can expose.

When I was young we had the term "plumber's crack" if your crack was showing. It was mostly attributed to heavy-set bear guys and was considered unflattering. Having the "crack" bore the implication that the person took no pride in their appearance. Almost that they were too lazy to care. It was a bad thing.

However, in more recent years, we have evolved into a state of tolerance towards the exposed crack. In grocery stores and libraries and walking to work you can now wear a considerable amount of your ass on display and most people will feel you no ill will. The boundary of good taste in ass-cheeks is slowly creeping closer and closer to our assholes every year.

By the year 2012 something as miniscule as a candy-corn my be formal attire. Perhaps that same year I'll be able to walk around with only the top half of my piss slit showing and no one will think I'll naked.