*Had a dream last night about meeting a group of friends in Vegas. It was one of those impossible combinations of friends from all over and I was mostly nervous about the large amount of cash on my person. Somewhere along the way I picked up a package of gum with a cartoon Crispin Glover for a mascot. I was surprising people by throwing handfulls of the chicklet-sized gum at their asses from behind and shouting "Gum Salad".
*I'm tossing around an idea. It's the story of an old Southern plantation type named Venereal Sanders who raises the prizest chickens around and gets all sorts of hilarious diseases from his slaves. Is really well-made, hand-crafted hate literature too much? I can't shake the image of some burnt-out, white trash fucker 20 years from now recalling the fine illustrations of his youth.
*Had this conversation with a couple of my gay co-workers:
"Why is the rainbow the queer logo? Is it diversity? Is it really more diverse to fuck only men than it is to fuck only women? Maybe the diverse sex movement would progress better if it was spun as the Movement of People who Don't Care Who You Fuck as opposed to turning their currently taboo habits into an exclusive club for homosexuals. In my experience, the Christian Right(Reich?) tends to picture themselves as the only exclusive club around and since they're in power and all . . .
*Ad from the new ACME Novelty Library:
EXPLODING MINIATURE DOGS A real surprise. Put these little scrappers on the carpet and you won't believe the shouts of alarm. Real miniature poodles, chihuahuas, and those ugly ones with the light bulb-shaped heads - just open the box and watch them take off in a frenzy of yipping. They won't get far because we've equipped all of them with special explosive charges which aoutomatically detonate when the animal is jostled, poked, or fondled. What a mess, but fun! Old ladies particularly hate them. Bang! It's loud fun for all. Come in packages of a dozen. Noty availiable in all areas. Great fun at church socials, bar mitzvas, luncheons, or any occasion that needs a bit of "pepping up." Get lots. They don't last. Come carefully packed in shock resistant boxes. Most do not explode before arrival.
No.3532. Exploding Pooches. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .per dozen, 69(and then I realize most modern computers don't even have a "cents" sign on the keyboard).
*I'm tossing around an idea. It's the story of an old Southern plantation type named Venereal Sanders who raises the prizest chickens around and gets all sorts of hilarious diseases from his slaves. Is really well-made, hand-crafted hate literature too much? I can't shake the image of some burnt-out, white trash fucker 20 years from now recalling the fine illustrations of his youth.
*Had this conversation with a couple of my gay co-workers:
"Why is the rainbow the queer logo? Is it diversity? Is it really more diverse to fuck only men than it is to fuck only women? Maybe the diverse sex movement would progress better if it was spun as the Movement of People who Don't Care Who You Fuck as opposed to turning their currently taboo habits into an exclusive club for homosexuals. In my experience, the Christian Right(Reich?) tends to picture themselves as the only exclusive club around and since they're in power and all . . .
*Ad from the new ACME Novelty Library:
EXPLODING MINIATURE DOGS A real surprise. Put these little scrappers on the carpet and you won't believe the shouts of alarm. Real miniature poodles, chihuahuas, and those ugly ones with the light bulb-shaped heads - just open the box and watch them take off in a frenzy of yipping. They won't get far because we've equipped all of them with special explosive charges which aoutomatically detonate when the animal is jostled, poked, or fondled. What a mess, but fun! Old ladies particularly hate them. Bang! It's loud fun for all. Come in packages of a dozen. Noty availiable in all areas. Great fun at church socials, bar mitzvas, luncheons, or any occasion that needs a bit of "pepping up." Get lots. They don't last. Come carefully packed in shock resistant boxes. Most do not explode before arrival.
No.3532. Exploding Pooches. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .per dozen, 69(and then I realize most modern computers don't even have a "cents" sign on the keyboard).
posted by Matthew Pazzol at 5:53 AM
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